Friday, April 12, 2013

In which the author decides a creative outlet is needed and the blog take a new direction...

Fast forward two years (well not really fast forward it has been two years)...Finishing the second year of med school. Sitting here in the most dreary of white walled rooms eating instant oatmeal and drinking french press coffee, trying to study yet another day while it is utterly beautiful and sunny outside, I realize what a professional student I have the detriment of other things, like mon poor bicyclette which sits hanging in the garage most days. Not because I live so far from school, but because the locker function that my car serves is quite useful, (along with constant updates of incidents of bike thievery). My car used to carry people, and now it carries books, thanks to my incessant need to have access to all my books at all times regardless of whether I'll actually ever have time to read them or not. All this describes the general state of things...which inspired a new experiment.

In this place we learn many things, many lists of questions to ask during interviews, including the question..."What brought you in today?" a question I wished I'd asked during my interview, yesterday, my interview which was one of 4 factors contributing to the current state of things, which inspired the experiment. During this interview, my patient's, in reality a patient-actor, affect so completely flat, and by all appearances unhelpful to my agenda of finding the answer to this patient's problem, that I lost all composure (that's what it felt like), forgot all the lists, and panicked because all of it left me, and the interview utterly unraveled into me asking questions out of the air (which is against everything "they" teach us," while thinking the patient probably thought I had no idea what I was doing--which was and wasn't true. The patient commented on my grade sheet, "Nerves got in the way. Student was caught up in remembering lists. I did not feel much of a connection." And afterwards, as annoyed as I was at my patient for being so unhelpful, and appalled as I was at my shooting questions out into the air, grasping for straws, and I watched my video of my interaction to critique it...I realized in those moments of sunshine when because of something I said, a smile or laugh broke through his cloudy demeanor, I liked my patient. We, in fact, shared similar values, we both were in people and service-oriented professions, and we both liked dogs. Instead of ending early, because I had no idea what to ask (forgot the lists), and wanted to leave the situation, I could have kept shooting questions into the air and been ok with it, after all some people are just less organized in their style, or gotten to know my patient...could have asked about his dog...could have asked about his job. But these questions aren't on the lists, so nobody teaches them to you, though in a lot of cases they are the more important questions.

One failed interview; realizing yesterday that I have learned something here, in a situation I wished I knew something I could do--and then realized I did; a mom's blog post entitled "Why I Hate my Pediatrician;" and an article on grace, relaying that people have value simply as human beings (even if you forget the lists) all have inspired the experiment and a blog to record it.

The experiment = talk to people..lots of people...about non-list things.

1 comment:

  1. Ellen! I ran across a long ago email from you with a link to your blog. I can't believe it has been so long. It's good to see your spirit in this post. I'll be praying for you to be able to follow "the list" when necessary and the Spirit always. Blessings, my friend! -